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Monday, July 19, 2010

Bloody Rice Cooker - Part 3

To the Critics: I know I am dragging this but I dont have anything else to say on my blog so read it or not..

Quick Recap: I was locked out of my apartment without my mobile or footwear or anything on me and my attempts to have fun while I wait are turning into disasters. Finally I have some company in the form of a really nice/hot neighbour who was crazy enough to entertain me while I wait for my roommate whom I instructed not disturb me while I try to get to know this girl. Ok, you are now up to date. Go on - read this final installment and let me know how much of an idiot my roommate is.


I was having a good nice quality time with my upstairs neighbour for a while when I remembered that my roommate might be home so I checked downstairs to see if he's home. Actually I did not care and he was the last thing on my mind but it was getting kind of late and the hot girl suggested I should check coz I seem to be making the couch pretty much home. She's right in a way coz I used her mobile, laptop, restroom, tv, couch and ate her magic mushrooms in the 30 mts I was there so she might be thinking "Why dont you just move in?".

So, realizing that I cannot just move into her apartment on the night we met (not to mention in the most idiotic circumstances) I was walking down the stairs and saw my roommate waiting for me in the hallway. Touched by my roommate's genuine care and concern for me, I wanted to hug him (one of those, awww! sorta moments) but restrained myself from doing so as it's gay in almost any country not just USA. So, I told him "Dude, its really sweet but you dont have to wait for me in the hallway. I am a grown adult locked out without slippers thats all!"

And he turns to me and he says "Dude, you wont believe what just happened!" which got my instant attention as he went on to explain that he came home and went in put all his stuff on the coffee table like he always does like a well programmed robot and remembered seeing the parcel out at the door (I left it there after reading the spanish instruction manual for the bloody rice cooker), so stepped out to check out parcel and put one step in the door but the door slammed (its a heavy door, you dont wanna put your leg when it slams shut- trust me I've been there and done that) and he had to take his foot out resulting in yet another classic lock out for the night!"

It took me a minute to process the information while my roommate smiled at my void face like he finished first in a pie eating contest or something. When I realized that my dumb roommate did the same exact mistake I did just a couple of hours earlier, I could not do anything but to sit there and laugh my ass off. It was laugh of relief that I am not the only idiot on the planet. It was laugh of "what an idiot" type of rejoice. After two minutes of complete cacophony of deafening horse grunts (thats the closest natural sound that describes our laughter) we went up stairs again.

Same song and dance - I knock on the door, she comes out with that weird expression in her face but this time add "Now, what?" to the previous expressions. And I was laughing at the stupidity of my roommate and its more fun this time coz its not me who's the idiot for a change. I finally catch my breath and told her "Guess what, my roommate is also locked out!" and I am sure the first things that went in her head is "Is this guy for real? This is the world's worst pick up ever! Do I look that dumb? "

Realizing how difficult it is for a normal sane person to comprehend this insane sequence of random events - we sat down while my idiot roommate explained her how it all happened and she goes "I can believe that!" and I am like "Are you serious? How can u believe that he did the same exact stupid thing I did on the same exact night?" to which she says "Yes, it is possible that two idiots can live together!" Very True indeed! - I told u she was a scientist right?

Finally, we all sit down and laugh about it and call the apartment maintenance to come rescue us. Half an hour later, we got into our apartment along with the Bloody Rice Cooker!

-----------------------------THE END------------------------

I called my mom and told her the whole incident (not focusing on the hot girl though) and the first thing she says is "You gotta get yourself a new roommate - that kid's dumb!" :)

Friday, July 16, 2010

Bloody Rice Cooker - Part 2

As I was waiting in the hallway for someone to rescue me, my neighbour from upstairs who I only know as the HOT-GIRL walked in. She was on phone so I didnt bother disturbing her. But she gave me a funny look (u know the routine "what's wrong with you" look) as I was sitting on the floor barefoot outside a locked door in the hallway.

As time seemed to freeze, new troubles started for me. Now, I have to take a leak and I am thirsty. It's weird how you need input and to output at the same time. My body needs water which is why I am thirsty but I also have to take a leak which means my body has too much of water. Human body is not something I understand so I left it at that. But my body did not. I really had to go. So, I knocked on my single-african american-kind of hot-neighbours' door but no response. She's not home. Perfect! My luck was laughing at me and I could hear it. Anyways, I know that the other apartment is vacant so my options were :
a. the old chinese lady across the hall (really? I dont know why I am counting this as an option either)
b. the vietnamese veteran from downstairs (I am sure he had shot gun handy)
c. the pakistani couple that never smiles from downstairs. (well, he is pakistani.. and I am an Indian so we are already enemies before we even met)
d. the hot russian brunette from upstairs. (hell, yeah! if u ever heard a russian girl speak, u know why I am so excited. Their accent turns even gay men on.)

It's anyone's guess who I picked. No, its not the old chinese lady. I chose to knock on the hot Russian's door duh!

She opens the door and has this puzzled look which I can only summarize as "Who the fuck are you? What do you want? Why dont you have any slippers on? What's with that beard?" kind of look. So, I opened my mouth but no words came out. I guess my brain is trying to come up with a story to explain my current situation but it is having a tough time as the eyes are too busy with visual feast right in front my eyes. Finally, I pulled it together and said "Hi, I live downstairs. I know this is gonna sound crazy but I am locked out without my cellphone, footwear and car keys. Can you help me out?". She said "Sure, come on in. You could use my phone to call someone". I took the phone and said thank you - only then I realized I dont know my roommate's number. Who remember's numbers right? So, she was like - "Well, do you want me to guess the digits for you?" and I remembered why I bought my iPhone.

It's mainly because I can find it if I ever lose it through mobileme. It's a service which can locate your phone and store your data on the cloud. I periodically (more like religiously to be honest) sync my contacts, bookmarks and mail on me.com which is real useful if you ever lose your phone. So, I asked her if I could use her laptop. She was real nice and let me use it. Needless to say I found the number and called my roommate while my new friend is making a cup of hot tea for me that I could drink while eating the frozen yogurt and crumbled cookies that looked like magic mushrooms. She was more than happy to have some company as she lives alone. She constantly kept apologizing for the mess which made me think how much organized I am regardless of the crap I seem to accumulate around my bed. We had some nice time together watching some "only-for-young-american-teens" drama on the antique 21" Television from 1950s that she might have stolen from a museum in DC coz there's no way you would have TV that small yet HUGE these days.


So, we had some time to kill so I started poking around and asking her questions about her and stuff in general. She plays piano (or is it keyboard? now u know how much I know music) and has a lot of paintings hanging around. Interestingly, one of them is her portrait. Hmmm, she said her friend tried to paint her once and that was the result. It was close, I can see the resemblance but I would have never guessed it was her. A hot girl with paintings, portraits of her and piano - who would not wanna find out what she does for a living right? So, I asked and get this! She's a Research Scientist. A SCIENTIST for real - I always think of either Albert Einstein or Tom cruise when I hear the word scientist. That's as close as I can get to that word. Why Tom cruise? well, coz of the scientology and stuff. Anyways, the point here is she's beauty with brains.

So, I called my roommate and told him to take his time and should not rush returning home. I gave him clear instructions not to worry about me and not to disturb me either.

to be continued....

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Bloody Rice Cooker - Part 1

As the title suggests, its a story about a Bloody Rice cooker which caused a turmoil yesterday.

It all started when someone knocked on the door at 6:45 last night, but by the time I opened the door there was no one so I looked around and found a parcel at the door - curious to check it out I stepped out and accidentally locked myself out. There have been a few robberies recently in my neighbourhood and we made it a habit to keep the lock on so that it automatically locks when we step out. Hence the lock out. Interestingly, I dont wear any footwear when I am home, that's a habit I brought with me from India. So, now I am locked out, with no key, no car, no cellphone, no money, no wallet and worse no foot wear. This would have been a problem for anyone but not me. I am too positive to be bothered by such trivial things besides I know that my roommate who just stepped out is gonna be back in an hour or atleast that is what I thought at the time. So, I decided to make good use of my time and take a walk, yes barefoot (good catch, so you've been paying attention I see).

I live in an apartment complex surrounded by golf course - it's pretty scenic and that was one of the reasons why we chose this place. So, I sat on the golf course laughing at my stupidity and enjoying the beautiful sunset coz there's nothing much I can do without any mechanical help. It was a much needed time off the routine things. I took a stroll down the memory lane and remembered how I used to play cricket barefoot back home and how it never bothered me much back then. We actually had a life without mobiles and computers and what not. We were just kids and there was nothing that could stop us from having fun. We did not need no fancy gadgets or anything to have some good clean quality fun with friends. So what happened to all that - how did I turn out to be a gadget freak with my iPhone 4 and mac book? I actually stood in line for 8 long hours to get me the brand new iPhone 4 on the day it was released. What went wrong? So, I kept thinking all this sitting on the golf course barefoot while the joggers who passed by were looking at me funny.

To make things more interesting, a dad was teaching his kid golf and the kid was getting bored hitting a tiny ball in a small hole on a huge patch of grass. So, the kid must have asked the dad "Can I hit the homeless guy sitting over there instead?" pointing at me. And dad must have said "Knock him out son!" coz the kid started targeting me. You see, I am not much of a golfer but I know that there are no moving targets in golf. So, it didnt take long for me to figure out that I was the target after all the kid was shooting at me. So, unable to come up with a reasonable story on how I could explain the situation to the doctor if the kid actually succeeded in his mission - I decided to get out of there before I get hurt.

Now, deprived of some quiet time alone - I was forced to come back home and wait in the hall way. Bored out of my mind, I decided to check to see if the parcel that caused all this was worth the fuss. It's from Amazon.com and that is where I normally buy books from. So, hoping to find a good read I opened the parcel. But to my surprise, It was Rice Cooker. And guess what, we already have a rice cooker. I dont know why my roommate ordered another one. Anyways, needless to say there was nothing to read in there except for the Rice Cooker Manual. So, I did the right thing and read the whole manual for about an hour. I even read the instructions in Spanish and I dont even speak spanish. You can guess, how bored I was.

to be continued....

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Happy Birthday Sis!

It's my little sister's birthday today. Spoke to her this morning for a while - she wants me to come home for good. Her words stir up a storm inside my head. I've been thinking for a while about it and when my little sis said those words, I just wanted to pack and go. But I can't - not yet. I have some stuff to take care first.

Anyways, It's her birthday today - so let 's talk about her. She's the purest thing in my life. When I think of her - I always think of this cute little 8 yr old kid with pig tails and innocent smile through wide teeth. She's my little sister. She does not want much from me. Whenever I talk to her - I ask her if she wants anything but she just doesn't want anything. She's happy where she is. She is a happy little bee. She's gonna be a doctor soon. Wow, my little sis is gonna be a doc! Time just flies!

When I gift her something, it feels soo good inside. It's like I want to give her stuff just to make myself feel good. Her smile brightens my day. I remember taking her to school everyday and making her tell lies so that we can skip school sometimes. She was like my little side kick when we were in school. Once I got hurt doing something stupid in the school and I remember her crying so much. I did not cry until I saw her cry.

It's a shame i cant be there with my family to celebrate her birthday. As kids, we used to look forward to July sooo much coz both our birthdays are in July. We would get a new pair of clothes and we get to be soo special for one whole day. We weren't that rich growing up so it was a pretty big deal.

Anyways, this brings back a lot of memories as you can see. Happy Birthday Prasanna - I hope all your dreams come true and I will make sure that they will. I love you soo much and you mean a world to me. I miss you.

Love,
your brother
John
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