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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Missouri, I love you! (Part 1)

I went to my friend's wedding in Springfield Missouri last week. It so happens that I am the Best Man. What are the odds of that happening again huh? :). His name is Sabarinath and he's my schoolmate. We were like thickest of buds back in school with another guy Victor. But as time passed, life happened and we are busy with our own lives.

One day he calls me up and tells me he is getting married and asked me if I wanna be a Groomsman. Obviously I am excited and happy so needless to say that I said Ok. Somehow I ended up being the Best man with some unseen forces acting behind the scenes. I met the bride on Facebook and she seemed pretty chilled out and not crazy. Her name is Tabitha and she is a HUGE Facebook Junkie.

I was in two minds about this wedding, whether to go or not as I don't know anyone except the Groom there and I thought it will be really really boring. But since he actually honoured me with an invite and the best man title even though we are not in touch for a long time, I finally decided to go.

Work is kind of crazy these days so I didn't get my vacation approved and had to put in the hours before hand to compensate. Finally, I flew in on 7th Jan 2011 to Branson MO and here are the highlights of my trip :



  • The Branson Airport did not look like an airport at all. They (4 fat men) had to pull a wheeled stair case to get people off the plane. That is sooo archaic and even Mangolia has skyways I believe.


  • Skyways are not the only thing missing in this airport even bodies were missing i.e.they have deer/antelope heads hanging all around the place.




  • The airport was playing 60s music ON REPEAT.


  • Dolly Parton is the BIGGEST thing that ever happened to this city and they make sure you know it by playing her videos every 0.25 seconds. I found that video on youtube, watch this video embedded down here. But if you really wanna go through that experience again and again, Click here



  • There was no AT&T signal in Branson Of course!

  • My friend, the Groom lost track of time and completely forgot I was coming. Hence, I got to spend some more time in this wonderful thing that they call the Airport in Branson.


  • I tried to make conversation with an Indian looking guy sitting next to me, he pretended to be busy texting on his iPhone but the funny part is - I have an iPhone too and it didnt work coz there is no signal. Am I that boring really?


  • Finally, we made it home and I met the Bride who seemed to be normal in the first impression but with in an hour or so I found out I was completely WRONG. She's freaking crazy. You will say the same thing by the end of this post, I can bet on that.

  • I rested for an hour in their bed pushing aside whatever crap was lying on the bed and making room for myself. When I went to bed, I was alone but by the time I woke up Sab was next to me?

  • The Bride explained this situation to each and every one of her friends who walked through the door AGAIN AND AGAIN as "Two Burritos" lying next to each other on her bed? Somehow, it was funny at the time. But She called me a Burrito? and I'm not Mexican - Do I look fucking Carlos to you? ;)

  • I chose to spend some time with the Bride to get to know her instead of going out with Sab to pick up someone from somewhere, God knows! Little did I know, that it was a BIG MISTAKE!

  • I offered my free time and joined the little party that seemed to be making cute little baskets/boxes that looked like chinese take out bags and keep pink candies in them. YES, for a minute we all felt like little girls.


  • With all this Gay stuff going on, the bride started her Standup Comedy Show as if the party wasn't nuts as it is - OMG, She's is HILARIOUS. The stuff that comes off that mouth is pretty unbelievable. She's got a mouth I tell you!


  • Some of the Highlights of her show :

    Guy 1 : "You Pennis is soo small, it's practically a Tic-Tac. (For those unfamiliar with Tic-Tacs, here's an image. Just one of those NOT the whole box)


    Guy 2's Comeback : " Oh yeah, let me refresh your breath then (some inappropriate Gestures here can bring the point home - just use your imagination - I can't tell you everything here. ) :)

  • I cannot do justice to her humour on the web here but the narration is just awesome. This is probably the BEST JOKE ever if you hear it from her. I met a lot of funny people in my life but this one is the funniest by far. PURE AWESOMENESS!





To be Continued.......
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